relationship | Being a Lotus in the Mud: The Art of Living with Awareness

March 24, 2014

Ethics and Interdependence – The Shift from /I==It/ to ((I==Thou))

With the plurality of worldviews, religions, philosophies, and interpretive frameworks easily accessible through technology, it is clear that we need to reexamine our position on ethics in relation to the present, global age. It seems that many people have taken a relativistic stance on ethics, perhaps primarily due to the fact that being able to Dialogue across worldviews and frameworks is not a common skill, and therefore few know how to coherently integrate and understand multiple perspectives, particularly where religion is invovled.

What I would like for us to examine together is whether we can have secular ethics based on the common ground of experience, without relying on any religious, philosophical, or abstract metaphysical proposition. Let us start completely clear, with no motive to prove one idea over another or arrive at any particular conclusion.

Ethics is not an isolated abstract idea, but occurs in relationship. Life is constituted of relationships: to people, nature, objects, ideas, images, thoughts, emotions, and so on. As Krishnamurti says, “to be is to be related.” Ethics, therefore, is the conduct we embody within these roles and relationships.

So, if we are to examine the way in which we conduct ourselves in relationship, a natural starting point would be to first observe who is the self that is in these relationships. If we consider the image we have of ourselves, what is it that we find? Is it not the accumulation of memories, conditionings, and knowledge about ourselves? This is not according to the philosophy of someone else or of the author; you can see this for yourself if there is curiosity to inquire, without forcing oneself to arrive at an answer. If the image we have of ourselves is the collection of memories and details about ourselves, is this not a definition? This is an attempt to define ourselves.

However, to define oneself involves cutting oneself off from everything that one is not, or at least, it appears that there is a separation. If I want to define myself, to wear all kinds of religious, political, national, economic, racial, ethnic labels, do I not need to create a gap between that which is ‘me’ and that which is not ‘me’? If I call myself a Catholic or a Buddhist, or a Democrat or a Republican, doesn’t this separate myself from all others who are not wearing the same label? It is this process of separation that is the cause of conflict and violence. We are not saying that politics, or religion, or some other thing is the cause of problems. The real troublemaker is the habit of our mind to buy into the illusion of definition, of separation.

In order to define something, one needs to separate oneself from the thing one is trying to describe. Definition requires some thing is singled out in an attempt to classify it. But this process involves objectifying that which is on the screen of awareness, thereby creating a distinction between the observer and the observed. This division causes further conflict, however, we shall not go into detail of that at the present time, but if one is interested, Jiddu Krishnamurti has much to say on that subject.

In other words, we are using a mental software that is programmed to objectify all experience and life in an attempt to classify and analyze it. We can call this an /I==It/ way of minding. Of course this has its use, but we have been conditioned to apply this to all aspects of our life, particularly our psychological life, and this creates much suffering and mental anguish. When something is seen as separate from us, as an ‘other,’ and something lesser, do we not mistreat, misuse, or act against it? If one looks at this habit of mind closely, one will realize that it is when we objectify, that we cause harm to others. Thus, this /I==It/ technology of mind is destructive in our relationships.

When we become aware and understand this process, that is the very action needed to ((rehabilitate)) the mind. In the understanding that the image of ourselves, definitions, and the objectifying nature of our /mind/ is an illusion brought on by thought and conditioning, we begin to develop a sense that all things are interconnected. To break that /cycle/ not through force or discipline but by awareness, sensitivity, and understanding, we ((See)) Life and Reality as undivided from ourselves. Is this not echoed throughout our wisdom teachings from across the ages? To love one another as oneself…is this not one of the crux of the teachings of many of our great teachers?

By breaking this conceptual prison through awareness, understanding, and curiosity to look at ourselves, we shift from an /I==It/ technology to an ((I==Thou)) technology of mind. Such a ((transformation)) is to see the Sacredness of all Life, of all Reality. In that way, how could we possibly even think of harming another? When you are aware that you are the world and the world is you, one directly perceives that to cause harm to another is to cause suffering to oneself. To make the leap from /I==It/ to ((I==Thou)) is to affect the entire web of relationships.

If one inquires into what real relationship is very seriously, one will find that one’s individual consciousness is in fact, not at all individual! If we know how to look at the anger, frustration, desire, hope, jealously, greed, confusion, uncertainty, insecurity, acquisitiveness, competitiveness, comparison, conflict, loneliness, the craving to become something, the search for something greater, moments of joy, the clinging to those memories of happiness and wanting to repeat it, and so on, within ourselves, we can recognize that this is the ground of the human experience…it is a shared experience common to all humankind. So, when we inquire into these matters, we are really looking into the consciousness of all humankind.

Ethics, therefore, is when ((right relationship)), ((I==Thou)), is one’s being, and it affects all of our relations. One understands, not intellectually, but through one’s heart-and-mind, that any separation between oneself and anything or anyone else is only an illusion of thought. Therein lies the foundation of compassion. That which is unethical comes to be when live from a place of /I==It/, whereby we perpetuate conflict, violence, division, and and so on.

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March 6, 2014

((Philosophy)) is a ((Path of Happiness))

Courtesy of http://www.mrroaming.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/DSC01880-2.jpg

Courtesy of http://wallpaperswide9.blogspot.com/2013/05/lord-buddha-hd-wallpapers.html

I recently saw a play called Philosophy for Gangsters, where it was suggested that philosophy and happiness have nothing to do with each other. After hearing this, I thought for some time about this topic. Does philosophy lead to happiness? Is there a connection?

Philosophy is the “love of Sophia,” meaning wisdom Let us inquire into these two terms. ((Wisdom)) may perhaps best be suggested as understanding the nature of ((Reality)), in other words, seeing the truth of ((what is)) in the moment. Love, not /exclusive/ or /possessive love/, but ((real love)) seems to be a ((total absorption)) with something, such that no /divisions/ or /separateness/ exists between one and the other.

We may not necessarily even be speaking of romantic love, but ((love)) in general. Imagine for example, the martial artist who becomes absorbed in his or her practice, or the athlete that loses his sense of self on the field such that there is just movement, or the musician who is lost in the music. A sense of /self/ disappears, and there is only ((action)). The kind of love which we speak is unconditional; there is no separation between /one/ and the /other/ on any level, but a complete and total ((union)).

((Philosophy)) therefore would mean a ((total absorption and understanding into what is)), i.e., ((the nature of reality)).

Through ((wisdom and love)), we break through the /illusion of separation/. ((Seeing)) that there is no /separation/ is already the flowering of ((love)). Thus, ((wisdom-and-love)), ((truth-and-compassion)), are interconnected and co-arise.

As we said in previous articles, an “I” appears to exist because of memories and sensations. However, if we look closely with sensitivity and awareness, we can see that it is thought that creates a thinker. The narrative we tell ourselves everyday is an illusion, perpetuated by thought in order to preserve a sense of continuity. This separation between the thinker and the thought, the experiencer and the experienced, creates conflict and divisions within us.

Since thought operates only in the past and projects the future, there is a conflict between what should be (according to thought), and what is. This /self/, the /ego/, projects all kinds of labels, categories, divisions, and judgments on reality and experience. As we can never escape from the present, from what is, we lead a double life: experiencing what is, and what we think should be according to our desires, thoughts, conditionings, and memories.

In order to define itself, thought creates labels, judgments, and all kinds of divisions. This causes us to objectify all experience, people, relationships, language, and reality, and view as /other/ anything which does not fit our own definition. The /ego/ operates in an /I—It/ technology of mind. ((Wisdom-and-love)), brought to Life through ((Living Philosophy)), creates a shift from /I—It/ to ((I==Thou)), whereby objectifying habits are dropped, and there is insight in the ((Sacredness)) and ((Interrelatedness)) of all things.

Without any /divisions/ or /separateness/, there is no inward conflict, for conflict can only exist between /one/ and an /other/. Without conflict, there is not only ((clarity)), but ((order)). In this sense, ((order)) is not forced, disciplined, or adherence to some moral law, but is a natural spontaneity that is in itself ((ethical, creative, and harmonious)). For the one who embodies ((love-and-wisdom)), he or she would not even consider /violence/ or /actions/ that would harm others, for they are ((aware)) of the ((interconnectedness of all things)). Order seemingly brings about virtue and goodness then, and these give rise also to harmony. Of course, we must keep in mind that these ((qualities)) such as order, virtue, wisdom, love, etc., do not arise in a linear or cause-and-effect manner, but also ((co-arise)) together, and are ((interrelated)).

Therefore, if there is no /self/ in conflict or that is /divided/, but simply the ((manifestation)) and ((action)) of these ((qualities)), would this not be happiness? For the very /pursuit/ of happiness obstructs its flowering, because there is a pursuer and the pursued. But without that conflict, and just the ((total absorption and flowing into what is)), ((the present moment)), there is bliss.

Thus, ((Philosophy)), not intellectual jargon, debates, and complex theories, but real ((Living Wisdom)) is the key to ((Happiness)) and ((Human Flourishing)). This ((meditative intelligence)), the ((understanding and awareness)) of ((what is)) is ((Living Philosophy)). ((Philosophy)), therefore, is a ((Way of Liberation)). It is not a path “towards” happiness, as that would create a division between the path and a goal, but rather, ((Philosophy)) is a ((Path of Happiness)).

Related Articles:

The Game of Life – Don’t Take it Personally

On the Nature of Happiness

Making the Ordinary Extraordinary

When Life Falls Apart

On Uncertainty

Link to my book – Meditations on Zen and Martial Arts Philosophy

Link to my other essays – http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/cf_dev/AbsByAuth.cfm?per_id=1837756

Navigating the Mazeway: Fulfilling our Best Possibilities As Individuals and As a Society, by Tony Parrotto

The Mazeway Project

That Which Is, by Martha Randolph and Elizabeth Campbell

November 13, 2013

On Destiny, Meaning, Purpose, and Fear (Part 2)

Click here to read part 1: https://jasonkunen.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/on-destiny-meaning-purpose-and-fear-part-1/

Let us continue our discussion of destiny, meaning, purpose, and fear. We left off saying that when we ask what the purpose of our lives are, we are actually asking for its use. Living beings, however, are changing, flowing, learning, and are not static; they are not objects. The problem is, isn’t it, that we are using a technology of mind (ego-mentalism) that objectifies all experience, including ourselves? In coming to think of ourselves as objects, we therefore try to find out what our function is. But, as we said, something that is alive cannot have a static function or use, but its purpose must also be flowing, a movement that is changing. We then said that if we wish to find out the meaning of our lives we must let go of all the answers we have been given so that we have the clarity and psychological freedom to see for ourselves the reality of what is. So long as we cling to conditionings and the baggage handed down by others, all past memory and knowledge, we remain secondhand mechanical human beings. It therefore takes great awareness and energy to pay attention to our reactions so that we can clearly see our conditionings, fears, desires, and the rest of it. Does this make sense? I hope I haven’t lost you.

We then said that if we observe the experiences of our life, we find that there are certain encounters that seem to repeat themselves in various forms until we have been able to understand our fears and resistance to them, and that when we have true understanding, they no longer repeat. We finished by saying that it seems as though life is a journey of encountering, facing, understanding, and letting go of our fears and becoming aware of our psychological process.

Why is it so important that we encounter and let go of our fear? We’re not talking about running away or escaping from it, pushing it away, pretending its not there, or fighting it. Fear will dissipate with understanding, not through any force your ego uses to face it. Really look, and see. Isn’t our fear interfering in our relationships, not just those we are close to, but with everyone, and with the planet? Do you see all of the distrust and suspicion around you, and even within you? And it’s reflected in our language isn’t it, with sayings like: trust no one, no good deed goes unpunished, better safe than sorry, etc? Fear leads to mistrust, which inevitably leads to closing ourselves off from people. Don’t rely on my words, see it for yourself. How can we be open, caring, and attentive to someone we don’t trust? In fact, we’re not even open or trusting of ourselves! We’re constantly running away from having to face who we really are. That is why so many of us cannot stand being alone; we have to face ourselves as we are, but since we’re so full of judgment and guilt and cannot accept who we are, we run away from it. The experience of being alone has many negative connotations nowadays, unfortunately. So, if we cannot be open, trusting, understanding, and attentive to ourselves, how could we possibly be any of that with another? In this case, it is clear that our relationships, and communication among us, breaks down.

In understanding ourselves, we naturally become more compassionate towards others. If we are full of fear, we spend our time and energy seeking our own psychological comfort and making up for our insecurities; this leads to a self-centered attitude. Don’t judge yourself for it, or say that I shouldn’t be this or that. All these religions, philosophies, self-help books, gurus keep saying don’t be self-centered, help others. But how can we help others in any significant way if we are full of fear?

Become aware of your conditionings, understand your fears. Observe your relationships. Letting go of our fears allows us to be open and trusting. In coming to understand our psychological process through encountering fear, our self-centered orientation begins to dissolve. We begin to see that we are profoundly interconnected with all things, not as a theory, but as a fact. We become more and more open and trusting to others, and to what is. We become less and less steeped in objectifying others, and become more compassionate and attentive. Why? It is the recognition that others are full of fear, envy, sadness, loneliness, mistrust, longing, violence, anger, and the rest of it. This, in turn, is projected into the world. Having understood our own psychological process, we see that we are the world. We are as we mind. What goes on in the world is a projection of what we are and what we do. We are what is. Seeing this for yourself, not intellectually or as a theory, but experiencing it for oneself…that is the journey.

Now, some of you who are reading this might say, “He didn’t mention anything about purpose, or meaning, or destiny.” And others might say, “why didn’t you just say the answer from the beginning? Why this roundabout method?” So what if I or somebody else told you your meaning or your destiny? How would those words, that knowledge, help you? You would take it and go on your way, once again believing and repeating somebody else’s ideas. You can read all kinds of books. And how many of them tell you purpose is to return to wholeness, to God, to Allah, to Emptiness, to be in union with the Dao, or whichever name you like to use? But how long have those answers been around, and have they really changed people? Has humanity psychologically matured with those answers? It is important to see this, to experience and understand it for yourself. If you are psychologically mature, then you can see the immense power behind the words and wisdom of these books. Otherwise, we just go on repeating answers, memorizing words, which doesn’t help us understand ourselves. So first and foremost, see for yourself what is.

Links to previous posts, essays, and my book:

On Relationships:

https://jasonkunen.wordpress.com/2013/10/29/on-relationships-encountering-others-in-the-moment/

On Happiness:

https://jasonkunen.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/on-the-nature-of-happiness/

On Boredom:

https://jasonkunen.wordpress.com/2013/10/22/on-boredom-102213/

On Dialogue and Education:

https://jasonkunen.wordpress.com/2013/10/17/reflections-on-dialogue-and-education-10162013/

On Education:

https://jasonkunen.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/reflection-on-education-10142013/

Link to my book, Meditations on Zen and Martial Arts Philosophy: