Making the Ordinary Extraordinary – The Desire to Become – Life as it is

by Jason Kunen

© Jason Kunen 2014

“A mind that is becoming can never know the full bliss of contentment; not the contentment of smug satisfaction; not the contentment of an achieved result, but the contentment that comes when the mind sees the truth in what is and the false in what is. The perception of that truth is from moment to moment; and that perception is delayed through verbalization of the moment.”  -Jiddu Krishnamurti, The First and Last Freedom

What begins to happen as we grow out of childhood?  Many of us become more and more controlling do we not?  We are conditioned and led to believe that happiness exists outside of us, and that if we can control as many external factors as possible, then we shall be happy.  There develops an incessant drive to shape life according to our own projections and desires.  Society floods us with people who should be idolized and become our role models.  Whether those people are celebrities, spiritual figures, politicians, businessmen, gurus, the rich, intellectuals, saints, and so on, it is conditioning us to seek something outside of ourselves and become someone else.  This leads us to feel inadequate with ourselves, and that we should strive to become like another.  We then go through life constantly seeking, trying to change ourselves, not seeing or understanding our own life.  Life becomes a series of elaborate escapes from what is and who we are.  And of course, when desire is obstructed, when we realize that we can never be another, we react with anger, or sadness, or jealously, and feel hurt in someway.  This leads to deep suffering, because not only do we have difficulty looking or understanding ourself, but we realize that we have been wasting our time trying to be like another.

We are taught to believe that once we can control things, or fulfill our ambitions, or get this or that job or position, or have unparalleled wealth, or reach enlightenment, or find inner peace, or have this or that experience, or become virtuous, or transform our life, and so on, then we shall be happy.  And how many times have we reached our goal and happiness has not yet come?  Or conversely, we realize that we cannot achieve our goal, and we feel depressed because we could not live up to or become this image we had of ourselves or of another.

Whether inwardly or outwardly, the process of becoming, of searching for something greater, leads us further and further away from ourselves.  We become interested in self-projected abstractions than in reality and how we are living.  For one reason or another, we are afraid, or unsure of how to look and understand ourselves, and so constantly indulge in escapes instead of really facing life as it is.  Thus, the challenges of everyday life are seen as boring and insignificant.  Instead, we try to find comfort by projecting or imagining some greater reality that will entertain and gratify our desires.

One might argue, “why not strive to emulate figures like the Dalai Lama, the Pope, Mother Theresa, or some other religious figure?  They embody very admirable virtues.  Should we not follow their example?”  However, if you try to live up to a virtue, is it not because you are the exact opposite of it, and are trying to escape from it?  That is, if I am trying to be non-violent, isn’t it because I myself am violent?  Or if I am trying to be generous, is it not because I am greedy?  We create ideals, virtues, based on our own image of what we think it is, and use it as a way to escape from our own mental habits.  This creates a conflict within ourselves, as we are now torn between what is, and this projected ideal we strive towards.  In this division, fear (of failure), guilt, shame, regret, and various emotions take root.

This kind of becoming, the pursuit of virtues, is an elaborate form of escapism, and very self-deceptive.  We deceive ourselves through such ideals because we convince ourselves and others that although we may be violent, greedy, jealous, angry, and the like, we strive to live up to this or that ideal or virtue.  And a theme in our current education system, particularly the way history is taught (at least in America), is that of progress.  We are continuously fed this idea that we are ever improving, developing, cultivating, progressing, etc., which thereby encourages us to become.  And though we have advanced technologically, we are still psychologically immature.  So, instead of really looking at ourselves with an interest in Self-knowledge, we try to seek and strive towards something else.

It is not a matter of being content or passively (or perhaps, apathetically) accepting these states.  We must first be willing to understand ourselves, to look at the violence, anger, jealous, greed, and the rest of it in ourselves, and how it arises.  Through observing our mental habits, through non-judgmental awareness, we can understand these reactions and this desire to become.  As I said in Changing the World Starts with Understanding Yourself, this understanding naturally brings about action in accordance with that understanding.  Therefore, a ((transformation)) does not come about through any effort of the /self/, or the /ego/, which desires some result or achievement, but naturally through Self-knowledge.

Certainly, we can learn from others, and let their actions be a wake up call to reflect on ourselves and our own mental life.  However, to follow them is to give up one’s own responsibility for understanding oneself.  In this way, we disempower ourselves to another.  No one can give you Self-knowledge.  Understanding comes from oneself, when the mind is quiet without force, and you are non-judgmentally aware from moment-to-moment without interfering.  Dropping the desire to become does not mean laziness or apathy or submission.  This too is a conditioned thought our society ingrains in us.  If people understood themselves, and were comfortable with who they are, think about how many professions (from the celebrity magazines and cosmetic stores to the psychiatrist and plastic surgeon) would be out of business!  Think about how many corporations make a profit by exploiting this desire to become.

Through awareness, we can see this desire to become within ourselves.  And the desire to drop it is also a desire to become.  Being, abiding, learning to be…this comes by itself when we understand this desire to become in our own inner life as a fact, not as a theory or a belief.  But again, this is not does imply apathy or laziness.  Out of ((Being)) comes integrated action and right thinking, because now, our actions are no longer according to some ideal, idea, or belief motivated out of becoming.  Action based on becoming is conflict, because it creates a separation between the actor, the action, the reason for acting, and the ideal for which we are trying to achieve through our action.  But action out of ((Being)) is ((integrated action)); it is whole, complete, and co-arises with understanding.

In ((Being)), we see life in a whole new way.  The everyday activities that we once saw boring and insignificant, and the day-to-day challenges that may seem frustrating and monotonous are encountered in a new light.  It is not that the ordinary becomes extraordinary, but rather, we see that our idea of the extraordinary was a self-projected illusion, and that the ordinary is extraordinary.  Life is then a beautiful movement; a dance of a warrior who is free, joyous, creative, and not controlled by fear.  That is the meaning of the Zen expression, “Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.  After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.”

It is because we lack Self-knowledge that we suffer.  And it is because we are taught to follow and become like others that we are distracted from understanding ourselves.  And it is because we don’t know how to live that we are taught to emulate others.  And it is because we were not educated to observe and understand our fears and insecurities that we don’t know how to live.

There is much to say on the role of fear and the desire to become, but we shall discuss this topic at another time.  The following posts cover some of the topics in this article: fear, boredom, happiness.

On Boredom

On the Nature of Happiness

On Free Will – Awareness and the Power of Choice

On Destiny, Meaning, Purpose, and Fear (Part 1)

On Destiny, Meaning, Purpose, and Fear (Part 2)

On Conformity, Fear of the Known, and Discussing Matters of Life

On Uncertainty

Related Links:

Last week’s post: Humanizing the Humanities – The Relevance of the Humanities in Education

Here is a great book by my good friends Martha Randolph and Elizabeth Campbell that discusses spiritual evolution in a clear and simple manner.  I highly recommend it, especially to young persons interested in these topics.  It is called, That Which Is.

I also recommend reading the book Navigating the Mazeway: Fulfilling our Best Possibilities As Individuals and As a Society, by my good friend and colleague Tony Parrotto.  Here is a link to his website, The Mazeway Project.

Link to my book, Meditations on Zen and Martial Arts Philosophy

Jiddu Krishnamurti’s Book, The First and Last Freedom – On Amazon or Online